The Weird Tale of Juicero, the $400 Wi-Fi Juicer That's Worse Than Your Bare Hands

Like so many issues in latest instances, the story of the Juicero is the variety of factor you’d learn in a ebook and assume, “Nah, that is too on-the-nose. Not reasonable. The level of this story is cartoonishly apparent,” and but, it’s very actual. It was already a foolish sufficient signal of fashionable instances that traders poured hundreds of thousands right into a linked “Internet of issues” juicer, and issues have solely gotten worse from there.

And no, we didn’t even hit backside when the factor debuted and it was found that the juice packs may simply be wrung out with your individual naked fingers, although that was fairly unhealthy in itself. Juicero ships you proprietary Produce Packs to pour your completely pressed glass of juice. Whether or not these juice packs are price it for all the rad, tremendous hip well being advantages they’re promising from Mother Earth is as much as you, and fresh-squeezed juice isn’t a foul product by itself, however there’s completely no purpose you want a reasonably costly equipment to make use of these packs.

This was demonstrated perfectly by Bloomberg reporters, with a video exhibiting that utilizing your fingers on the Produce Packs works simply positive to provide a glass of juice. Of course, after taking in all that funding cash on an concept that already sounded prefer it was concocted by 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy (“Juice, however with the Internet! Two issues folks love! Synergy!”), the Juicero PR machine had some harm management to do on the concept that their product managed to render itself out of date.

So, their CEO defined every part in a Medium post that he opened by saying he’d solely been the CEO since November, as if subtly hinting that none of this shit is his fault, and oh God how did he wind up having to defend this factor. He was simply an investor and board member who thought they’d be capable to promote some wealthy, well being fad-prone dummies an costly, pointless juice machine!

Anyway, defend he did, explaining all the nice advantages the Juicero supplies, like digital rights administration that enables them to remotely shut down contaminated or expired juice packs, juice packs which are of constant high quality (which has nothing to do with the precise juicer being price it), the factor will juice the pack for you and thus prevent beneficial time, and hey, their Produce Packs are a high quality product that require that DRM to take care of a correct provide chain, so please pay $400 out of appreciation!

For these taking part in alongside at house, just one of these is an precise purpose that the juicer itself is definitely useful, and it’s not an extremely convincing one. The relaxation both assume you’re unable to learn expiration dates by yourself—or your on-the-go way of life simply makes you too rattling busy to take action, you always-connected employee of the future!—or that you must actually purchase the overpriced juicer as a result of the juice packs themselves are such an awesome product that you simply’re keen to identify them some additional money on prime of the $29.99 per week Produce Pack price.

The publish does additionally embrace a (downright laughable) video try and debunk the undeniable fact that the hand-squeezing methodology works, the place they minimize the juice pack open for no purpose in any respect, since that’s not a factor the Bloomberg video did. For the document, Bloomberg’s video demonstrated that it was potential to easily squeeze the bag along with your fingers the identical approach the juicer would—no incision mandatory—not attempt to make a bizarre craft mission out of it.

Who cares if that doesn’t in any respect debunk the uselessness of the product? It’s 2017! Words don’t have any that means anymore! Your claims are debunked as a result of an absurd, straw man model of them has been debunked, and that’s all there may be to it. Rock on along with your flavonoids! Fist bump Mother Earth! YEAH!

(by way of Gizmodo, picture: screengrab)

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